FROM MOOD BOARD TO REALITY

Some of our clients come to us with a very specific vision for their wedding. Some have absolutely no idea what they want in terms of design, and some have wayyy too many ideas (thanks to Pinterest) that are all over the place. If you fall into any of these categories, that's okay! Know that most couples are likely in the same boat as you are, and part of the process in the beginning of the wedding planning is to filter and curate through all the different ideas to hone in on a design direction that truly speaks to you! 

When we kick start the wedding planning process with our clients, we always start off with an extensive Design Questionnaire. It's a series of questions that encourages you to think through some of the bigger wedding questions. It's also a way for our team to get to know you and your relationship on a deeper level. Some of these questions could be:

What are you known for as a couple?
What are your favorite brands and what do you like about them?
Where do you dream of traveling to and why?
How would you describe the mood of your dream wedding?

....and so on. After reviewing all of your answers, and taking the time to go through every pin on your Pinterest boards, we would present a Design Summary with a mood board that portrays that look and feel of your wedding. Below, you'll see one that we did for a wedding at the Bently Reserve in San Francisco, where we described the wedding style as clean, modern, sleek, streamlined, structural, refined and polished. We went for a color palette of black, pearl white, champagne and blush, with accents of metallic gold.

We love dreaming up great ideas and beautiful details with our clients, but what we also happen to thrive on is the work that is required to bring all of those ideas to reality! This includes finding vendors that are the best fit to produce the results that we want, working out the logistics on the backend to ensure the ideas can truly execute well, and a lot of other "behind the scenes" production work that is absolutely critical. Although such detail-oriented work may not feel fun to most people, our team truly finds it as one of the most rewarding parts of what we do! 

Here's a collage to show how we brought the above mood board to life at the Bently Reserve! 

Photos by Milou and Olin Photography

Cheers,

HOW TO SEAT GUESTS AT A WEDDING

I've always loved attending weddings as a guest. Not only is it wonderful to celebrate the union of people you care about, but it often is a fun reunion of some sort. I get to spend time with family or friends or former colleagues or college buddies whom I may not get to see regularly outside of Facebook.

Many years ago, my husband and I were invited to a wedding of an acquaintance. To be quite honest, we were both shocked and a little confused when we received the invite, as we couldn't even remember the last time we spoke with the couple. Still, we appreciated that they invited us and decided to accept the invitation.

We saw many friends at the wedding whom we did know very well, and enjoyed catching up with everyone during the cocktail hour. However, when it came time for dinner and we got to the table we were assigned to, we were disappointed to see that none of our friends were in close proximity to us. We were assigned to a table with 8 teenagers, and they were completely glued to their iphones the entire time. They showed no interest in carrying on any type of conversation even though I did make an effort to try. Though my husband and I kept each other company during the course of the 2 hour dinner, I realized how disappointing it can feel as guest when you are assigned to a table that does not offer good company and conversation. It can be downright miserable, especially as you see and hear the loud laughter coming from all the other tables.

So, as you prepare to work on your seating assignments for the wedding, here are our top 5 tips for you:

1. Assign everyone to a seat, not just a table. This gives you full control over the guest seating, which is a great thing because you know each of your guest best!

2. You don't necessarily need to seat everyone next to their best friend, but rather, think about whom each person would enjoy conversing with. If you seat two incredibly shy, reserved guests together who shares no common topic, it could be pretty boring for them both.

3. Provide some ice breakers for your guests! For example, you can name your tables instead of numbering them and behind the table name card, you can include a short story on the significance of the name. If you named the table Amsterdam, tell guests why this place is significant to your relationship. If you are incorporating a special family recipe into the menu, note that on the printed menus so guests at the table have something to talk about to break the ice!

4. Long tables and square tables are best for conversations. At a 48" square table, you can pretty much converse with every person at the table. At a long table, you can easily converse with at least 5 other people around you. If you decide to do rounds (least desirable for conversations), your venue or caterer will most likely suggest a 60" or a 72". We definitely recommend going with the 60", which would allow guests to easily converse with at least 3-4 people around them. In our opinion, a 72" simply feels way too big and does not encourage the intimacy most couples would want for their wedding.

5. Consider putting young kids in a separate room where they can be free to be kids. It's very hard for young kids to sit still for a 2 hour dinner, and it can be a pressure for parents to try to enforce that at a wedding in order to be polite and respectful. Ask your wedding venue if they can provide a separate room close by where you can hire professional babysitters from a licensed childcare service to watch them. These licensed childcare services that cater to events will often send sitters fully equipped with books, art and craft projects, and other things to entertain the children. This allow the kids to run around and do what they like, while their parents can also enjoy a lovely dinner with uninterrupted conversations.

Photo by Kevin Chin Photography 

Photo by Kevin Chin Photography

Photo by Beaux Arts

Photo by Viv Chen Photography

Cheers,

HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR WEDDING VENDORS

After you've set a date and secured a venue, the next big task on the wedding planning to-do list would be to pull together the best possible team of vendors.

As a side note, I usually don't like to use the term "vendor" because it misrepresents the amazing artists and talented professionals that these people are. Vendors make it sound like they are commodities and they truly are anything but. The event professionals that we recommend and work with are passionate and creative artists that are devoted to producing the best possible work for their clients. There is heart behind their work, whether it's creating a bridal bouquet, designing menu cards, or photographing an engagement session.  They care about your wedding and feel honored to be a part of it.

That said, there are certainly some black sheep that have caused a bad rep for everyone. We've all heard the horror stories of photographers closing shop before albums were produced, of Officiants who pronounced the couple with wrong names at the ceremony, or cakes that didn't hold up in perfectly fine temperature. The truth is, as with any industry, there are unethical, unreliable, and untrustworthy people in the wedding world as well. What I'm hoping to do in this blog post, is to provide you some tips to avoid hiring such vendors as part of your wedding team.

If you have a Wedding Planner, you should most definitely trust him/her to recommend the right event professionals for you. They would know the ones to be the best fit for your budget, your personalities, and the overall context of your wedding. If you are not working with a Wedding Planner, here are our top tips for you to vet your own event professionals:

1. When asking them to provide references, do not ask for the names/contacts of former clients. It goes without saying that businesses will only provide names of highly satisfied, happy clients who will give raving reviews of their work. Instead, ask for a list of venues they work at most often, and then reach out to the events department at those venues to ask about their experiences with these event professionals. 

2. When reading online reviews, pay close attention to any negative ones. You can often tell if the reviewer is a high maintenance, overly demanding client or if the event professional truly failed in certain areas. If possible, see how the issues raised were resolved. Did the event professional respond to the review in a defensive manner? Or did he/she show sincere regrets and tried to make things right for the client? The truth is, we all make mistakes no matter how great we are at our jobs. The important thing to note is how we handle mistakes that come up, which can be telling of our integrity and business/personal values.

3. What kind of processes do they have in place when working with clients? Those who have been in the business long enough knows the importance of having some kind of process. There are so many details in a wedding, and by having a good process in place, you can rest assure that the event professional will be organized and on top of the details for all of their events.

4. Attitude matters. How excited are they about your wedding? Does it sound like your event is just one of many events for them? Hiring people that are passionate about what they do makes a big difference on the quality of work they produce. We all know that if we love what we do, it never feels like a "job" and we would put in our best efforts at all times.

5. What other event professionals are they associated with? For example, if the company you are vetting claims to do "high end weddings" and prices their services that way, check out their past work to see what venues, event planners, and other event professionals they have worked with. Are those all high end professionals as well? 

6. Be wary of prices that are too good to be true or that are not in line with the quality of event you're looking to host. Event professionals who are serious about their jobs know that they need to charge fairly for their time and expertise. Those that are quick to give discounts may either be weekend warriors (they have another full time job during the week) trying to gain more experience, or they have to make up for the loss somewhere else (such as cutting the time they have to spend preparing for your event, or taking on more volume even though they are not equipped to handle it). 


In this age of social media, it is often hard to tell if a company's online persona is truly reflective of their real personality and business values. Therefore, we encourage you to chat with them over the phone, Skype, or to meet in person. Getting to chat with them live will allow you to see if you can establish a good rapport with them. At the end of the day, you want to hire people you genuinely like and trust, because you will not have the capacity to micromanage them on your wedding day.

Lastly, I want to mention that the team dynamics on a wedding day can really impact how well the event is executed, so it would be to your benefit to hire a team that is already familiar with one another. Just like in an office setting, working amongst team members that you know and genuinely like can make a project so much more fun and productive. Everyone pitches in to help one another and works harder. It's the same for wedding professionals! Once you've hired a photographer, ask them who they enjoy working with for makeup/hair, cinematography, flowers, etc. Chances are, those references would be a great starting point for you to go off of!















Happy planning!

Cheers,

HOW TO SEND A PROPER WEDDING INQUIRY

We get many inquiries a week from prospective clients whom are interested in obtaining more information about our services. Believe it or not, this initial contact that we have with them can already be telling to us if we would be a good fit.

I chat about this a lot with my vendor friends in the industry, and decided to do a blog post so that I can offer some tips on how to property craft an email inquiry. Remember, weddings are highly personal events and the "interview" goes both ways. I understand that this process is new to most couples, and hopefully, this post will educate them in making a great first impression with wedding professionals! 

Tips for sending a proper wedding inquiry:

1. Do not, I repeat, do not send an email with your first (or only sentence) being "How much do you charge?"

Wedding professionals should not be seen as a commodity. Finding the right vendors to fit your budget is important, but if your concern is solely about the costs, then you are viewing every vendor as being exactly the same. It is assumed that you are inquiring with them because you found yourself admiring their portfolio online, or that you obtained their name from a trusted referral. Take the time to find out more about their product/service, their personality and their approach to events before you get into pricing. The pricing only makes sense once you have a context to put it in.

2. Introduce yourself, and offer some information about your wedding.

Most people prefer using email as an initial point of contact. That's great and efficient, but can also feel a bit impersonal. When you are inquiring for an event as personal as a wedding, I suggest offering a little more information besides your wedding date. It would be nice to include both you and your fiance(e)'s names, and to convey some preliminary thoughts you may have for your wedding, such as guest count, potential venues or geographical locations, and any other initial vision you may have. It would also be much appreciated by vendors if you can tell them where you found their website, and what it was that drew you to reach out to them.

3. If possible, include a phone number to reach you.

Wedding vendors get a lot of spam mail, which includes "fake inquiries" in an attempt to scandal money. Your email is always a lot more trustworthy when you include an actual phone number to reach you. 

4. Request a phone consultation prior to an in-person meeting. 

Time is a scarce resource these days. If we met with every inquiring clients, we'd never have time to actually work on our events! I'm sure it's the same for our couples, who are incredibly busy with their work and social lives. Therefore, by requesting a phone consultation prior to an in-person meeting, you are respecting everyone's time. Ofcourse, if all goes well with the phone consultation, it would be an excellent idea to proceed with an in-person meeting (assuming you are located in close proximity to each other). 

We all want to work with people that we enjoy being around, so as you interview your wedding vendors, please look beyond the pricing and try to understand and appreciate what they truly have to offer. The result will be very rewarding to all parties.

One of my favorite parts of the job--being the first to greet my couples right after they are pronounced husband and wife! 

Cheers,

THE COST OF A WEDDING IN SAN FRANCISCO

When I am contacted by newly engaged couples, one of the first questions I get asked most often is:

How much is my wedding going to cost?

To be honest, that's like asking how much a house will cost in the United States. There is such a huge range in pricing! I get it though, because if I'm not a professional Wedding Planner and I am newly engaged, I would likely ask that very same question as well. 

The truth is, there are so many variables to a wedding that I can't even provide a range without gathering a lot more information. We've planned weddings for 120 guests for $100K, and we've planned weddings for 120 guests for $1.5 million dollars. That's a pretty wide spectrum, so you see, without spending more time getting to know your vision, your priorities, and your style, the number I throw out at you will not be a useful reference point.

When we start the planning process with our clients, one of the first things we do is to put together a realistic budget. Budgets are important, because almost everyone has some number in mind in terms of how much they'd like to spend on their wedding. Even a million dollar is a million dollar budget, and clients always want to know where and how their money is spent. Prior to creating the budget, we ask our clients an abundance of questions to get to know their vision on a macro and micro level. Gathering such information will help us to assess the type of venue that's suitable for them, the quality of vendors, and the amount of decor there will be.

Within each vendor category for a San Francisco wedding, there is a really big range in pricing. A full-time, experienced and professional photographer can cost between $5000-$20K. Venue rentals can range from $2500-$30K. A solo guitarist for your ceremony can cost $600 whereas a string quartet can be between $1000-$1800. For non-design vendors, the variation in pricing could have to do with the vendor's level of experience. A photographer that's relatively new and trying to build a good portfolio would likely charge less than a photographer who has hundreds of weddings under their belt and is well sought after. It may also have to do with the different ways the vendors structure their businesses. A volume-based company who has the manpower and capacity to take on several weddings a weekend would likely charge less than a boutique company that takes on a limited number of weddings.

Design vendors create proposals based on the products they are providing and the staffing required to execute each design idea. There are huge variables here too.

A more simple escort card display like the picture below can cost around $500 for the table and linen rentals, and the silver trays.

Photo by Jennifer Skog

A more elaborate escort card display like the picture below can cost around $3500 for the tree rental, installation, break down, and the labor to hang each card.

Photo by Lisa Lefkowitz

An event with 100 chiavari chairs can cost $1000 to rent, deliver, and pick up.

An event with 100 ghost chairs is double that, costing $2000 to rent, deliver, and pick up.

Photo by Augie Chang Photography

Even the exact same design concept can be more costly to install at some venues versus others, depending on the timing and logistics. For example, at a venue like the Bently Reserve in San Francisco, we have the luxury of an all day set up. Vendors can arrive early in the morning for their installation, and have plenty of time to do what they need to do while working around other vendors. At a venue like the De Young museum, we can only access the event spaces after closing hours, giving vendors a much tighter window of time to load in and set up, equating to more labor involved.

If you don't have a Wedding Planner to help you establish a realistic budget, I would suggest the following steps to do it on your own:

1. Discuss your vision and priorities. Do you envision your ceremony being outdoors? View or no view? What type of venue would you want your wedding to be held? A hotel? Museum? Winery? Think about the experience as a whole that you want to create for your guests. What would you want your guests to say or feel when they leave your wedding?

2. Do your homework. Research on the rental rates of the type of venues you like. Go through vendors' online portfolio to hone in on the quality of work that appeals to you, and then find out the price ranges of those vendors.

3. Do a low and a high column for your budget. You'll likely come in somewhere in between. When creating your budget, account for the following categories:

Venue rentals
Officiant fees
Ceremony musicians
Catering
DJ or Live Musicians/Band
Photographer
Cinematographer
Floral Designer
Lighting Tech
Stationer
Cake Designer
Transportation
Hotel Room Blocks
Furniture and/or specialty rentals
Makeup/Hair Artist
Attire and Accessories

4. Always add a contingency amount of at least 15-20% of the entire budget. Things come up that you did not account for, which could increase costs for you as you get closer to the wedding. For example, when you finalize your timeline, you may realize your need your photographer and videographer for 2 extra hours for a more complete coverage.

Remember that a budget is dynamic. Having one in place helps you to understand costs in the beginning of the planning, but numbers will shift around as you progress. If you come across a photographer that you absolutely love and want to hire, you may decide to splurge on his/her fees by going over budget in that category. This may entail reducing the budget for another category, or an increase to the overall budget. The important thing is to know what you feel comfortable with, and to be realistic. You can't ask for ghost chairs if you absolutely do not want to spend more than $10 on a chair.

Lastly, my advice is to always respect vendors' pricing. Sure, it's okay to ask if they can work with your budget, but ask nicely. Don't demand or threaten them to lower their prices for you. Many wedding vendors are small business owners, and are talented artists who try to make a living by doing what they are passionate about. This means they need to make money too! Respecting each vendor's pricing and talents will only make them want to go above and beyond for you on your wedding day.

As always, feel free to ask us questions in the comment section or the inquiry form on the right column of this blog!



Cheers,

HOW TO READ A CATERING PROPOSAL

Upon securing your wedding date and venue, one of the first vendors you're likely to contact will be the caterer. Some venues have a single in-house caterer that you are required to use, and others may have a list of preferred caterers that you need to choose from. If you are offered a choice of caterers, we recommend starting with 2 catering proposals.

In requesting a catering proposal, it is best to provide some concrete information to the caterer besides your date, venue, and guest count. Be open in sharing your culinary delights with them. What are your favorite restaurants and cuisines? What are some favorite dishes that you enjoy? Any allergies or ingredients that you simply detest? What do you think your guests would savor? Are they adventurous eaters? What desserts are you drawn to regularly? Best cocktail that you've ever had? Secret family recipes you want to incorporate into your wedding menu?

Then, share a snapshot of your wedding vision with them on a more macro level. For example, if you are getting married at the Asian Art Museum, how do you plan to utilize the spaces there for ceremony, cocktail hour, and dinner + dancing? Will guests be shuttled in, or will they drive independently? What time do you want to start/end the event? Are you envisioning a sit-down, plated dinner or interactive food stations? 

The more information you are able to provide, the more accurate the catering proposal will be in reflecting the context of your wedding. Otherwise, you may be getting a more generic proposal, which makes it hard for you to see if the ideas and costs can actually be applicable to your event.

Although every caterer works differently, catering proposals typically include 6 parts:

1. Food-- this is the part that may be the most familiar to you, as it will be similar to reading a restaurant menu. To start out, many caterers will offer you a list of choices for hors d'oeurves, appetizers, entrees, and desserts. 

2. Beverages--there are several tiers to the type of liquor and wine a bar can have. Brands matter here, so the pricing will reflect the tier that you pick.

3. Labor/Staffing--this includes all the labor that will be required to execute your event seamlessly. Servers, kitchen staff, number of chefs, bartenders....trust your caterer to determine the right number of staff for your event. Different venues have different complexities, and without knowing the way an event runs on the backend, it's impossible for you to know the proper staffing that is required for a smooth event. Trust your caterer! 

4. Rentals--Most non-hotel venues do not store any equipment in-house, and thus will require your caterer to bring everything to the event. From kitchen equipment to tabletop items, everything will be rented and delivered on-site the day of your event, and because the caterer is usually the one to set everything up, it makes the most sense for them to manage the rental orders. There are a ton of choices for you to choose from in terms of rentals, from chairs to linens to chargers and everything in between, so the pricing will reflect the items that you choose. For example, a chiavari chair costs between $6-$9 each, and a ghost chair costs around $18 each to rent, so there is a significant difference there! Because such decisions are usually not made until later in the planning + design process, most caterers price their proposals out with basic, standard rental items. 

5. Production Fees--Some caterers will have a production fee on their proposal, equating to about 15-20% of the overall costs. This is to offset some of their internal production costs, such as trucking, permitting (at certain venues), etc. 

6. Taxes and Service Charges--Here in California, taxes are high and can account for about 10% of the overall proposal costs. Some caterers will automatically include a service charge as well, that is between 10-20%, which serves at the gratuity for their team. Others omit this, allowing you to decide if you would like to extend gratuity at the conclusion of your event. 

Many couples get sticker shocked when they receive catering proposals, because they expect that they can get a really nice meal for $100-$150 per person, just as you would at a fancy restaurant. However, they failed to take into account all the other costs that go into producing a wedding, which bumps the prices up quite a bit! Just remember this: there is a lot of labor involved on a wedding day, and nothing is as easy as it appears. If you've hired really professional, exceptional vendors, please trust them to staff appropriately to ensure you have a seamless event!

One of the best parts of the wedding planning process-- food tasting! 

The caterer plays a huge part at your wedding, so definitely take some time to do your due diligence before picking one that is the best fit for you. Some caterers will offer a pre-booking tasting for a fee, so if it is important for you to taste their food before you hire them, don't be shy to ask about that.


Cheers,

HOW TO HANDLE FAMILY DYNAMICS IN WEDDING PLANNING

Photo by Sarah Peet Photography

Family dynamics can play a tricky part in the wedding planning process, and we've got a few tips to help you handle this aspect as smoothly as possible!

1. Figure out early on who will foot which bills for the wedding. If you're keeping the American tradition of having the bride's parents' pay for the bulk of the wedding, you can expect that they'll want a say in a few (or all) matters. If that bothers you, be upfront on which parts you want full control over, even if it means you may need to take on the expenses for those specific items. Don't get entangled into a web of animosity by failing to set clear expectations at the very beginning of the planning.

2. Communication is key! We've seen families tip toe around each other during the planning, for fear of offending one another with their ideas or expectations. In the end, there is always a lot of disappointment, stress, and anxiety. We encourage our clients to communicate with their families during the progress of the planning, so if issues come up, they do so prior to the wedding day. There have been countless times when parents come up to our team on the wedding day, asking (or demanding) why a particular family member is not on the family portrait list, or not assigned to the reserved seats at the ceremony. By then, it's an awkward situation for everyone involved, so please do make the effort to communicate with your families during the planning.

3. A marriage really is the blending of two families, not just two people. The celebration becomes much more meaningful when the families are equally as excited to become one. We recommend planning a few pre-wedding events for the immediate families to come together, allowing them opportunities to get to know one another better before the wedding. Believe it or not, we've had a few weddings where the parents meet for the very first time at the wedding rehearsal, and the awkward vibe tends to trickle down to everyone else.

4. Assigning specific roles or tasks can help family members feel included and valued. It also gives them a focus, which can be helpful in honing their involvement to just one or two areas of the wedding. Some special roles/tasks can include being a reader and finding an appropriate piece for the reading, or hand crafting something small, but significant, for the wedding such as a ring bearer pillow.

5. Be sensitive to family dynamics that may be awkward, or family members that may not be on great terms. Divorces, separations, and other circumstances can often result in bitterness and resentment amongst the people involved. Try to be sensitive to that by seating these people further apart, and limiting their interactions with one another on the wedding day. A negative attitude of "they'll just have to deal with it. It's my day" will only result in unnecessary drama on the wedding day! 


Last, but not least, showing love and appreciation will always go a long way. Keep perspective, and trust that your families really do want you to be happy. Sometimes, we get swept into the details of such monumental occasions and forget the reasons for celebrating in the first place. Remember that it's a joyous occasion and everyone is there to love and support you! 

Cheers,

HONORING LOVED ONES WHO HAVE PASSED

Weddings are one of the most joyful celebrations that bring families together. For some families, it's also a bittersweet reminder that some of their dearest ones will not be present. 

We are always overjoyed for our clients when parents, grandparents, and all of their closest families and friends are healthy and well enough to celebrate with them. For those that have loved ones who have passed already, there are still many ways to honor these special people at your wedding. Here are a few ideas:

1. Save them a seat at the ceremony. You can place a small card on the chair to remember them, with some fresh flowers from your florist.

2. Pick a special reading or song that is significant to your relationship with them, and ask a close friend or family member to read or sing it during the ceremony.

3. Include a photo of them at the wedding. Our couples love incorporating old photos at their weddings, to bring in some history. Whether through a slideshow, album, or framed photos on a table, you can include images of those that have passed who holds a special place in your hearts.

For one of our weddings last year, our bride Wendy had an incredibly close relationship with both of her grandfathers, who have passed. It was important to her that she could feel their presence at the wedding, and to include them in some way. We saved 2 seats at the dinner tables, and placed special items that were significant to them. For one of the seats, we had yams, because her grandfather loved yams. For the other, we had a beautiful orchid strung onto the chair, as her other grandfather loved orchids.

One of the sweetest part of that wedding was watching Wendy's grandmother hold onto her husband's photos throughout the day, even as she was dancing, to be sure that he was included in the festivities. It's so heartwarming to see love in such depth, and is exactly why we love what we do!

Photos above by Augie Chang Photography

TIPS FOR SERVING A FAMILY STYLE DINNER

There are many ways to serve food to your guests at a wedding. The individually plated dinner is a more traditional and formal style that most couples still gravitate towards. However, family style dinners are increasingly popular and here's why...

A reception luncheon or dinner served family style creates a sense of community at a wedding. It reminds people of family celebrations such as Thanksgiving and holiday dinners, where there is a certain level of warmth and intimacy from sharing dishes with loved ones.

We're big fans of the family style dinner for weddings that are in between formal and casual because it encourages more interaction between guests at the table. Rather than focusing on the own plates in front of them, guests pass around the shared plates and engage in more conversations, especially around the menu. Family-style service also allows guests to taste more items, as it is common to have a couple of options for starters, entrees, sides, and desserts.

Photo by Gertrude & Mabel Photography

If you're interested in a family-style menu, we have a few tips for you:

1. Long tables lends itself better for family-style service, but make sure your table decor leaves plenty of space for the shared plates. If you don't have a planner, then you should work directly with your floral designer and caterer on this. Ask your caterer for the approximate size of the serving plates on the tables, and then have your floral designer come up with the right sizes and quantities of arrangements and decor for the table.

2.  Work with your caterer to devise a menu that's best suited for family-style service. Dishes with a lot of sauce, or are generally a bit messy to eat, are harder to be passed around. However, one option to get around that is to have certain dishes be served table side, where servers will go around offering the dish to each guest.

3. Be very strategic with your seating assignments, as it may feel awkward to some guests if they are sharing plates with people whom they do not know very well.

4. With shared plates, there will be a lot of movement during dinner. Therefore, it's best to keep all toasts and entertainments to the beginning, or the end, of dinner. If you try to interrupt dinner with toasts or announcements, it would be very difficult to get everyone's attention.

Have a great time creating your wedding menu, and if you need ideas, visit our Pinterest board here!

Photo by Gertrude & Mabel Photography

Wedding Advice: { Do I Need a Wedding Planner? }

With the holiday season being the most popular time of the year to be popping THE question, lots of people are ringing into the new year with a shiny new rock on their finger.

Congrats to all you lovebirds out there who are ready to plan your wedding! One of the first questions you'll probably ask yourselves is whether or not you need a Wedding Planner to help you out.

Our advice? A definite yes!  Unless you regularly plan parties for over 100 people with a 5 ,6, or 7 figure budget, you're going to want to bring in a professional Wedding Planner to make sure you're doing it right. The Wall Street Journal have compiled their list of the 10 most stressful jobs in the world, and Event Planner ranks #5, right behind soldiers and firefighters. That sounds about right to those of us who plan events for a living. Now why would anyone who is inexperienced in this area want to be planning one of the most monumental events of their lives without an expert alongside them? It's like building a house without an architect or performing as an orchestra without a conductor.

We get it. You're super excited to dive into the planning. You're imagining fun dress fitting sessions with your closest girlfriends, over the top food tastings with an unlimited supply of wine and bubbly, hand picking the most gorgeous linens to go with the pretty flowers you chose, and continually adding as many beautiful photos to your Pinterest boards as possible along the way. Yes, these are all a part of the wedding planning, but what about figuring out how to get 12 vendor trucks to load in a single dock in 2 hours, concocting a clever transportation schedule that can allow you to use only 2 shuttle buses for 5 hotel pick ups, and devising a grand plan to flip the ballroom from ceremony to reception in 1 hour? What about learning to understand a vendor contract or the band's 10 page rider?
By hiring a really good planner, you will get to fulfill that lovely dream of yours and be involved in mostly the fun parts of the planning, while leaving the not-so-fun-but-extremely-crucial logistics to your planner's capable hands.

There's a reason why we have so many docs for even the simplest of events. Our array of internal docs help us to stay organized despite the massive amount of details for every wedding.

You may be convinced that you're going to be just fine being your own Wedding Planner, because you've planned a few parties before and you've hired some kick-a** vendors who can help guide you along the way. There's your knowledgeable venue manager, informative caterer, and eager photographer....all available and willing to give you their best advice. And they will be, to you, and all 30-50-100 of the other couples that they will be working with simultaneously. They may have hundreds of weddings under their belt, and I have no doubt that they've "seen it all" and can really offer you great advice. But there's just one problem....

Context.

The advice that anyone and everyone will give you during your wedding planning journey (solicited and unsolicited, from vendors, friends, families, and even strangers) will all be outside the true context of YOUR individual, unique, special-to-yours wedding. That's where your Wedding Planner is most valuable.

When clients hire a planner, they've hired a confidante, a project manager, and a creative artist all in one. Similar to a general contractor's role in the architecture world, we're the ones who can effectively manage all the vendors because we have both the macro and micro view of the wedding.
No, not just any wedding. Your wedding. Every piece of advice we give you along the way will be tailored to the context of your wedding, because that's the only way that makes sense. What worked for Jane's 50 person outdoor wedding in June will likely not work for your 250 person winter affair in a museum. And that gorgeous, jaw-dropping, swoon-worthy tabletop image that you pinned on pinterest? How do you fit that within the context of your wedding budget, venue, and other factors?

A wedding is like one of those 1000 pieces of puzzles. It takes a lot of time, careful precision and accuracy to piece it all together. It's hundreds of hours of planning and pages and pages of schematics, spreadsheets, and contracts. Without a certain level of experience and expertise, you risk making costly mistakes along the way. Your planner is your trusted advisor who not only helps you avoid such mistakes, but can effectively help you to problem solve when unforeseen issues surface (and trust us, there will be unforeseen issues with any event!). We comb through every last detail behind the scenes, go over extensive notes with each vendor, and triple check everything to ensure every i has been dotted, and every t has been crossed. We focus on the preventive, so our master check list includes things like:

--Check for local activities that may impact road closures or detours
--Check time of sunset on wedding day (this is important for photography purposes!)
--Check wheelchair access for all event spaces

....and about a million more things

A collage of some behind the scene shots of our team as we prepare for weddings (taken by my iPhone, so apologies for the quality of the images!)

So, while your florist is an expert at her craft, she has no clue what the band, or the caterer, or the photographer are contracted for at your wedding. She also has no idea when grandma plans to arrive, and whom should be there to greet her and to pin on her corsage. Yet, her production schedule and logistics will somehow be linked to everyone else's. That's where your planner comes in.  We'll help you figure out all this hard stuff. And when you have a stellar planner, it not only alleviates your stress level, but it allows all your vendors to focus on what they do best.

We're not trying to burst your bubble, but we just want to give you a dose of reality that wedding planning goes far beyond the pretty stuff. There's a lot of unglamorous details on the backend that needs to be well thought out and properly executed, and that's not a role that you, or any of your guests, should be taking on. We believe that wedding planning should be fun for you and your families and that's why we're encouraging you to hire a planner so that you can focus on the pretty stuff.

Still have doubts about hiring a planner? Consider this. In Northern California, an average wedding costs as much as a fancy sports car, a hefty down payment on a house, and sometimes, it's the cost of an actual house. Given the investment into this important, once-in-a-lifetime event, doesn't it make sense to invest in a bit of insurance to make sure you're doing things right? Hiring a reputable, experienced planner is that piece of insurance.

Wishing every engaged couple a wonderful, fun, splendid journey in their wedding planning!

Who Should Officiate Your Wedding?

There are lots of important decisions to be made for a wedding, and one of them includes the decision on whom to select as your Officiant.

If you are getting married at a church, chances are high that you'll be using a Pastor from that particular church, or one that you are close with. If you are having a non-religious ceremony, there are many great non-denominational Officiants who marry couples as their profession, and they will work with couples to guide them in creating a personal ceremony that reflects who they are. However, we are seeing an increased trend couples asking a friend or family member to take on this honorable role.

We were recently interviewed by PopSugar on this topic, and here is the article taken directly from their website:

The wedding ceremony can be overshadowed by the dancing, booze, and food of the reception, but ceremonies truly hold the heart of the big day: it's when the couple officially begins the rest of their lives as spouses. The "I dos" are led by the officiant, and selecting the person responsible for that moment should not be taken lightly. And more and more couples are choosing loved ones for this meaningful duty over clergymen. "In the past few years, we've seen a big surge in the number of couples asking a friend or family member to officiate their wedding," San Francisco wedding planner Jubilee Lau of Jubilee Lau Events told us. "It seems as if the consensus for such a decision is to bring in another layer of personalization to the ceremony." If you're planning on having someone you know officiate your wedding, Jubilee shared five tips:

Dad Might Not Be Best
"Normally, we would advise couples to refrain from asking immediate family members, as sometimes they get too emotional to carry themselves well in front of all the guests," Jubilee notes. But if you or your spouse-to-be has a dad who can handle the responsibility without getting weepy, go for it. Jubilee said they had two weddings recently where the groom's father officiated and the ceremonies were a success.

Public Speaking Skills Matter
It's OK to be picky. This isn't a competition for who you're closest to, it's about who would do the best job. Jubilee adds, "We recommend that they invite someone who is normally a good public speaker (they should be eloquent and articulate), that they feel very comfortable with, and who would have the time and patience to work with them on the ceremony content."

It's More Than a Daylong Commitment
This leads us to Jubilee's next point: "A good officiant does more than just read a script." You need to find someone who's willing to put in the time and effort, not just expect to show up on the big day and say a few words. "He/she should be prepared to spend some time with the couple to understand the elements that they want to bring into the ceremony — religion, families, culture, traditions, etc. — and then help them to incorporate it well." No slackers allowed!

Pair Him/Her Up With a Pro
Chances are that the friend or family member you ultimately choose has little to zilch experience officiating a wedding, and you don't want to be babysitting him or her on what goes into the undertaking. Jubilee offers this solution: "What we've done before is to pair the friend/family member up with a professional officiant, who then helps to write the ceremony. That way, they can properly advise on the content, but the clients still get the benefit of having a close friend officiate on the day of." There may be a fee for the professional (around $300-$500), but it's probably worth it to avoid any major slip-ups.

"Short and Sweet" Doesn't Mean Generic
If you've ever sat through a rushed ceremony, you know that short isn't always better. It can result in everyone at the reception feeling like they're just attending a fancy party, not celebrating a personal, significant joining of two people vowing to spend the rest of their lives together. "Although many nonreligious couples opt for a 'short and sweet' nondenominational ceremony, we always remind them that it should still be meaningful and represent who they are," Jubilee notes. "After all, the ceremony is the core of the reason why everyone is there that day!"

— Additional reporting by Annie Scudder

For one of our 2012 weddings, the groom's father officiated the wedding, and he did a wonderful job!
(Photo by: Gary Ashley)

Wedding Advice: { Family Portraits on the Wedding Day }

Family portraits are a natural part of every wedding, some more prevalent than others. Being Asian, I can relate to the "importance" of family portraits at a wedding, to the extent where your parents may mandate that a picture is taken with every possible guest configuration. The list would potentially look something like this:

Jane + John + Jane's Parents
Jane + John + Jane's Parents + Jane's Grandparents
Jane + John + Jane's Parents + Jane's Grandparents + Uncle Tom and Aunt Sandy
Jane + John + Jane's Parents + Jane's Grandparents + Uncle Tom and Aunt Sandy + Uncle Willy

You get my point. The portrait list may end up to be several pages now, require 2 hours of your photographers' time to shoot, and 2 extra assistants to help corral people and keep things somewhat orderly.

For most weddings, it honestly is not realistic to have a formal portrait taken with every guest, unless your guest list is extremely small. I respect my clients' (and their families') requests, but it is also my responsibility to provide practical, realistic advice for them. Normally, at one of our status meetings closer to the wedding, we would discuss the family portraits amongst other things, to be sure we plan everything out ahead of time. I'd like to share some tips for planning out the portrait list for your wedding:

1. If possible, keep it to immediate family only. Once you add extended family members in, the list can quickly get out of control, and you may run into the "family politics" issue.

2. Bring your photographer into the discussion! Certain photographers actually have rules against long family portrait lists as they feel it limits their creativity and prevents them from shooting the actual wedding. Most will work with you on what is realistic though, given the venue, overall timeline, and logistics. 

3. Decide on the location with your photographer ahead of time. There are lots going on during the wedding day, so it's best to map out such details beforehand. If your wedding is outdoors, your photographer may want to scout out the best shaded area for family portraits. When scouting, it would be wise to go around the same time as when the portraits would actually take place on the wedding day, so he/she can understand sun direction and lighting.

4. If your family portrait list is short, and you are open to seeing one another before the ceremony, it's best to do the family portraits pre-ceremony, as that would allow you to join the festivities of the cocktail hour. Guests really loosen up and the energy is fantastic during that hour, so you probably wouldn't want to miss that!

5. Shooting the family portraits is actually the easy part. Counting on people to arrive on time, and corralling them is usually the more challenging task. Keep in mind if portraits are done after the ceremony, it's even harder to corral people as they get so busy mingling with other guests and are often eager to dash off to the cocktail hour. You should assign 1 family member from each side, who knows everyone on the list, to help with this task. 

6. Lastly, set realistic expectations. Everything can look good on paper, but how it actually executes on the wedding day may be a different story. If you are not working with a planner, be sure to work closely with your photographer to plan this portion of the day out carefully! 

We are not, by any means, discouraging family portraits on the wedding day. One of our favorite parts of the job is actually getting to see the families come together for the celebration! We just want to help our clients be realistic in every aspect of the planning, and the family portraits are just one small piece of the gigantic wedding puzzle we're piecing together. :)

Who says all family portraits need to be stiff and serious? | Photo by Gary Ashley

Photo by Gary Ashley

Photo by Lisa Lefkowitz

Wedding Advice: {DJ vs. Band}

There are a lot of decisions to be made for each wedding, and one commonly asked question that we get is:

Should I hire a DJ or a Band?

Well, that's a lot like asking if you should go see a ballgame live, or watch it on the big screen at home. There are pros and cons to each, and your decision should really be based on a multiple of factors--your wedding venue, budget, event flow, and the overall experience you want to provide your guests.

There are no shortages of wonderful bands to be hired for weddings, including exceptional cover bands from all genres. That said, there will be some limitations to the repertoire of each band, and that is something to keep in mind if you're trying to play music from several different genres to cater to a more diverse crowd.

It's never too early to start thinking about your wedding music. If you go through your band's repertoire and do not see some of the songs you'd like, you can certainly ask the band to learn them prior to the wedding. Most bands can learn 1-2 songs beyond their existing repertoire, and anything after that would likely incur additional fees that ranges from $200-$500 per song. They need ample time to learn each new piece, so it's important to make your requests earlier rather than later. We would recommend at least 6 months out.

Bands create an amazing vibe at wedding receptions. The fact that the singers can get up close and personal to the guests really brings up the energy on the dance floor! There is a lot of interaction between the performers and guests, which make it really fun for everyone.

Pop Rocks at a Bently Reserve Wedding | Photo by Lisa Lefkowitz

High energy guests as the Joe Sharino band rocked it on stage | Photo by Gertrude and Mabel Photography

If you are considering a band, we have some tips for you to keep in mind:

--Size matters. Whether you choose a 4 piece band or a 12 piece band, this decision should be carefully considered as you look at your venue, budget, and guest size.

--Assess their performance time. Many weddings are a 5-6 hour event, with the dancing portion taking up 1-2 hours of that. Therefore, don't get too excited if your band is offering you 3-4 hours of performance time, as it may not be realistic to have them play for so long. Some bands have a minimum, which may make you lose out an hour or two, so that's just something to keep in mind when determining the length of their performance time. Also, most venues and events lends itself to a quieter form of background music during dinner, so that guests can converse with one another. Thus, it is quite common to request for the band to play pre-recorded music off of their sound system during that time.

--Review their Riders. All band contracts will come with a rider. Some are simple 1 page riders, and some could potentially be more complex with multiple pages. Basically, riders are the bands' specific requests to guarantee a more successful performance. Often included in riders are their requirements for their dressing room, the type of meals and snacks that would be provided to them, stage and lighting requirements, and more. Keep in mind that such specs can affect the total cost of the band, even if it's not a part of the contracted performance fee.

--Who will be the Master of Ceremonies? Many bands can provide simple MC services by assigning one of their singers to make the pertinent announcements. However, it's worth it to pay a little extra to have them send someone who can actually do the job well. A great MC can really help with the flow and energy of an event, and should be an excellent partner to the planner throughout the evening as he/she introduces the wedding party and toast givers, and eloquently let guests know what is coming their way. If the band does not have a professional MC to offer you, please consider hiring a DJ to take on this role!

Hiring a DJ is a simpler process, but in my opinion, it's much more challenging to find an extraordinary DJ than it is to find a fantastic band. There is only a handful of DJs that I recommend here in the San Francisco Bay Area, based on their excellent track record of consistently great work for my clients and I. Contrary to what many people think, a DJ's role expands way beyond setting up a sound system and playing music from a pre-selected list provided by the clients.

First and foremost, a DJ's role is to play music. However, the well-experienced ones know that the key is to play the right music at the right time, and that would differ for each wedding based on a number of factors such as the venue, type of dinner, demographics of the guests, etc. So, playing the bride and groom's favorite music may not necessarily do the job well. It is the DJ's responsibility to help guide their clients in choosing the right music that would appeal to their guests at their specific wedding, and this requires more in depth pre-planning than just a song list submission request. For example, careful thought should be put into selecting the right song to welcome guests into the reception, the series of background music appropriate for dinner conversations, and the special songs throughout the evening for events like the first dance, cake cutting, etc.

A DJ also provides MC services, and a good DJ does not necessarily equate to a good MC. An MC should be eloquent and presentable, as he/she would be making the introductions and announcements throughout the evening. He/she should not try to continually entertain guests throughout the evening and make it a comedy show spotlighting themselves. A good MC knows how to capture the guests' attention when needed, while remaining in the background during the appropriate times.

One of the benefits in hiring a DJ vs. a band is the wide variety of songs that would be available. You can pretty much have any version of any song from any genre, and some DJs can even help you mix unique pieces. Their set up is also more unobtrusive, so if space is an issue at your venue, hiring a DJ may make more sense than a band.

Some tips for you while interviewing DJs for your wedding:

1. Pay attention to the way he/she speaks, if the DJ will be your MC as well. Are they articulate and eloquent? Do they present themselves well? 

2. The charisma of a DJ can be important too. After all, the more your guests like your DJ, the more likely they'd be dancing up a storm on the dance floor! 

3. Ask about their set up on the wedding day. Do they have big, bulky speakers that would look and feel intrusive to your wedding decor? Is their set up simple and clean? The DJs we recommend are either self sufficient with their own custom podiums, or they require a simple 6' table + linen for their setup, which makes for a cleaner look at the wedding. This is especially important if the aesthetic is important to you!

4. Assess how interested they are in your specific wedding. A good DJ should know that there is no "one size fits all" formula, so telling you what they "usually" play at a wedding won't cut it. They should be genuinely interested in your wedding, and your guests, in order for them to do the best job for you.

DJs can play music that appeals to a wide range of audiences | Photo by Gertrude and Mabel Photography

Any first dance song is possible when you have a DJ! | Photo by Lisa Lefkowitz

Lastly, I just want to end with a note that it's certainly possible to consider hiring both a band and a DJ. We've done that at many of our previous weddings, and it has been fantastic! The DJ would act as the MC, and step in with his pre-recorded music during the band's breaks. It really helps maintain the energy, which tends to simmer a bit whenever the band takes a break and music is played from an ipod.

Best of luck to you!

Girl Power

One of my favorite parts of the wedding day are the morning preparations in the bridal suite. There is a very strong emotional connection between all the girls as they get ready together and it's usually a time of bonding, tears, and laughter. It's a great idea to have your photographer and videographer be present for at least a part of that time so they can capture all of those great moments for you!

I've seen a lot of nervous brides on the wedding day, and it's always touching to see the bridesmaids fussing over the bride to make sure she looks perfect. Girlfriends are just so special!!

In my wedding day timelines, I always schedule the bridesmaids to get dressed BEFORE they help the bride get into her dress. The reason behind that? Well, take a look at the photos above. It makes for MUCH better photos and videos when you have bridesmaids that are fully dressed and beautiful helping the bride get into her gown!

If you are having a hard time deciding which girlfriends to choose to be your bridesmaids, here are some words of wisdom:

1. Choose people you are genuinely close with, on an emotional level. They should be the true friends in your life, those that you cherish and love.

2. Choose people that are dependable. It's a committment on their side to be there for you throughout the planning process and especially on the day-of.

3. Choose people that are sensitive. It's often a roller coaster ride of emotions for you on the wedding day. You will need to be surrounded by people that can be sensitive to that, which will calm you down.

In essence, trust your instincts! You're not putting on a show for people so don't pick bridesmaids based on physical appearances. Choose the real friends in your life.

Photo Credit:

Top set of photos by Lisa Leigh
Middle set of photos by Todd Rafalovich
Bottom set of photos by The Image is Found