Wedding Planning Q & A with Borrowed and Blue

We recently teamed up with Borrowed and Blue, a locally-focused online wedding resource, to give couples some insight into our perspective on wedding planning.

Here’s our Q&A with Borrowed and Blue. All questions by B&B, all answers by Jubilee of Jubilee Lau Events:

1. If you could possibly narrow it down, what would be your favorite moment of a wedding day?

It would be the moment before the bride walks down the aisle. I love positioning her in place, fluffing her train, and giving her final words of encouragement right before sending her down the aisle.

Photo by Gary Ashley of The Wedding Collective

2. Describe your event aesthetic in three words.

Refined, sophisticated elegance

Photo by Kevin Chin Photography

3. The first thing you ask when you sit down with a couple?

Where are you from? I love hearing about people’s history!

Photo by Augie Chang

4. Top three pieces of advice for couples who just got engaged?

Hire a planner so you can enjoy the process.

Choose bridesmaids/groomsmen that will help alleviate (not add to) your stress on the wedding day.

Be true to who you are when planning the details of your wedding, even if that means tossing out certain traditions or rejecting your best friend’s ideas.

Photo by Rylee Hitchner

5. Most important detail of wedding decor?

Lighting! Truly, lighting makes a tremendous impact on the overall event design. Not only does it create the mood that you want, but it highlights all the beautiful elements of your design and hides the areas that you don’t want to show. If you despise the carpet at your venue, but don’t have the budget to re-carpet the entire space, lighting can do miracles to hide it.

Photo by Augie Chang

Photo by Rylee Hitchner

Photo by Chung Li

6. Your thoughts on DIY weddings?

Be very selective on what you decide to DIY, because some things are just meant to be produced by the pros! Pick the smaller projects, like wedding favors, for your DIY project. That way, you won’t be spending an overwhelming amount of time on it and if it doesn’t go as well as you planned, the impact on the overall wedding would be minimal.

7. What would your ideal tablescape look like?

I love a simple, elegant table and I’m bias to long tables as they always look better in photos and on a practical level, long tables allow guests to converse with more people at the table. My ideal tablescape would have simple low floral arrangements flanked by taper candles. Lots of candles! I tend to like solid, neutral colored linens in fabric like dupionique or shantung.

Photo by Lisa Lefkowitz

8. Your favorite of all the San Francisco wedding venues?

Asian Art Museum! It’s so rich in its history (Samsung Hall used to be the old card catalogue room of the S.F. Public Library!) and the architecture is stunning. It’s marble interior makes for a very neutral setting for any design!

Photo by Lisa Lefkowitz

9. The most important part of wedding planning?

When it comes to planning a wedding, there are a lot of decisions to be made collectively as a couple, or as a family, and the process can be stressful at times when there are challenging family dynamics involved. Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture, which is the love and happiness behind this celebration that you are planning. It is truly a celebration, and a rare occasion where all your loved ones will travel far and near to be in one place for you. Don’t lose the broader perspective by being fixated on the little details!

Photo by Gary Ashley of The Wedding Collective

10. Describe your dream wedding.

My dream wedding would be to have my closest family and friends on a remote island with us, celebrating for several days. People are so much more fun and relaxed when they’re on vacation, so I would want our guests to make a vacation out of our wedding! Every detail would be well thought out to ensure they feel pampered and taken care of, from the welcome amenities that will be waiting for them in their rooms upon arrival to the facial masks that will be sitting on their pillows after a day in the sun, to all the other little surprises that I would plan for them throughout their stay. It would be a weekend full of festivities to give us plenty of quality time with our guests!

Photo by Jeanne Chan 

All photos above are weddings/events by Jubilee Lau Events. Thanks again to Borrowed & Blue for the Q&A!

Cheers,

HOW TO SEAT GUESTS AT A WEDDING

I've always loved attending weddings as a guest. Not only is it wonderful to celebrate the union of people you care about, but it often is a fun reunion of some sort. I get to spend time with family or friends or former colleagues or college buddies whom I may not get to see regularly outside of Facebook.

Many years ago, my husband and I were invited to a wedding of an acquaintance. To be quite honest, we were both shocked and a little confused when we received the invite, as we couldn't even remember the last time we spoke with the couple. Still, we appreciated that they invited us and decided to accept the invitation.

We saw many friends at the wedding whom we did know very well, and enjoyed catching up with everyone during the cocktail hour. However, when it came time for dinner and we got to the table we were assigned to, we were disappointed to see that none of our friends were in close proximity to us. We were assigned to a table with 8 teenagers, and they were completely glued to their iphones the entire time. They showed no interest in carrying on any type of conversation even though I did make an effort to try. Though my husband and I kept each other company during the course of the 2 hour dinner, I realized how disappointing it can feel as guest when you are assigned to a table that does not offer good company and conversation. It can be downright miserable, especially as you see and hear the loud laughter coming from all the other tables.

So, as you prepare to work on your seating assignments for the wedding, here are our top 5 tips for you:

1. Assign everyone to a seat, not just a table. This gives you full control over the guest seating, which is a great thing because you know each of your guest best!

2. You don't necessarily need to seat everyone next to their best friend, but rather, think about whom each person would enjoy conversing with. If you seat two incredibly shy, reserved guests together who shares no common topic, it could be pretty boring for them both.

3. Provide some ice breakers for your guests! For example, you can name your tables instead of numbering them and behind the table name card, you can include a short story on the significance of the name. If you named the table Amsterdam, tell guests why this place is significant to your relationship. If you are incorporating a special family recipe into the menu, note that on the printed menus so guests at the table have something to talk about to break the ice!

4. Long tables and square tables are best for conversations. At a 48" square table, you can pretty much converse with every person at the table. At a long table, you can easily converse with at least 5 other people around you. If you decide to do rounds (least desirable for conversations), your venue or caterer will most likely suggest a 60" or a 72". We definitely recommend going with the 60", which would allow guests to easily converse with at least 3-4 people around them. In our opinion, a 72" simply feels way too big and does not encourage the intimacy most couples would want for their wedding.

5. Consider putting young kids in a separate room where they can be free to be kids. It's very hard for young kids to sit still for a 2 hour dinner, and it can be a pressure for parents to try to enforce that at a wedding in order to be polite and respectful. Ask your wedding venue if they can provide a separate room close by where you can hire professional babysitters from a licensed childcare service to watch them. These licensed childcare services that cater to events will often send sitters fully equipped with books, art and craft projects, and other things to entertain the children. This allow the kids to run around and do what they like, while their parents can also enjoy a lovely dinner with uninterrupted conversations.

Photo by Kevin Chin Photography 

Photo by Kevin Chin Photography

Photo by Beaux Arts

Photo by Viv Chen Photography

Cheers,

HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR WEDDING VENDORS

After you've set a date and secured a venue, the next big task on the wedding planning to-do list would be to pull together the best possible team of vendors.

As a side note, I usually don't like to use the term "vendor" because it misrepresents the amazing artists and talented professionals that these people are. Vendors make it sound like they are commodities and they truly are anything but. The event professionals that we recommend and work with are passionate and creative artists that are devoted to producing the best possible work for their clients. There is heart behind their work, whether it's creating a bridal bouquet, designing menu cards, or photographing an engagement session.  They care about your wedding and feel honored to be a part of it.

That said, there are certainly some black sheep that have caused a bad rep for everyone. We've all heard the horror stories of photographers closing shop before albums were produced, of Officiants who pronounced the couple with wrong names at the ceremony, or cakes that didn't hold up in perfectly fine temperature. The truth is, as with any industry, there are unethical, unreliable, and untrustworthy people in the wedding world as well. What I'm hoping to do in this blog post, is to provide you some tips to avoid hiring such vendors as part of your wedding team.

If you have a Wedding Planner, you should most definitely trust him/her to recommend the right event professionals for you. They would know the ones to be the best fit for your budget, your personalities, and the overall context of your wedding. If you are not working with a Wedding Planner, here are our top tips for you to vet your own event professionals:

1. When asking them to provide references, do not ask for the names/contacts of former clients. It goes without saying that businesses will only provide names of highly satisfied, happy clients who will give raving reviews of their work. Instead, ask for a list of venues they work at most often, and then reach out to the events department at those venues to ask about their experiences with these event professionals. 

2. When reading online reviews, pay close attention to any negative ones. You can often tell if the reviewer is a high maintenance, overly demanding client or if the event professional truly failed in certain areas. If possible, see how the issues raised were resolved. Did the event professional respond to the review in a defensive manner? Or did he/she show sincere regrets and tried to make things right for the client? The truth is, we all make mistakes no matter how great we are at our jobs. The important thing to note is how we handle mistakes that come up, which can be telling of our integrity and business/personal values.

3. What kind of processes do they have in place when working with clients? Those who have been in the business long enough knows the importance of having some kind of process. There are so many details in a wedding, and by having a good process in place, you can rest assure that the event professional will be organized and on top of the details for all of their events.

4. Attitude matters. How excited are they about your wedding? Does it sound like your event is just one of many events for them? Hiring people that are passionate about what they do makes a big difference on the quality of work they produce. We all know that if we love what we do, it never feels like a "job" and we would put in our best efforts at all times.

5. What other event professionals are they associated with? For example, if the company you are vetting claims to do "high end weddings" and prices their services that way, check out their past work to see what venues, event planners, and other event professionals they have worked with. Are those all high end professionals as well? 

6. Be wary of prices that are too good to be true or that are not in line with the quality of event you're looking to host. Event professionals who are serious about their jobs know that they need to charge fairly for their time and expertise. Those that are quick to give discounts may either be weekend warriors (they have another full time job during the week) trying to gain more experience, or they have to make up for the loss somewhere else (such as cutting the time they have to spend preparing for your event, or taking on more volume even though they are not equipped to handle it). 


In this age of social media, it is often hard to tell if a company's online persona is truly reflective of their real personality and business values. Therefore, we encourage you to chat with them over the phone, Skype, or to meet in person. Getting to chat with them live will allow you to see if you can establish a good rapport with them. At the end of the day, you want to hire people you genuinely like and trust, because you will not have the capacity to micromanage them on your wedding day.

Lastly, I want to mention that the team dynamics on a wedding day can really impact how well the event is executed, so it would be to your benefit to hire a team that is already familiar with one another. Just like in an office setting, working amongst team members that you know and genuinely like can make a project so much more fun and productive. Everyone pitches in to help one another and works harder. It's the same for wedding professionals! Once you've hired a photographer, ask them who they enjoy working with for makeup/hair, cinematography, flowers, etc. Chances are, those references would be a great starting point for you to go off of!















Happy planning!

Cheers,

HOW TO READ A CATERING PROPOSAL

Upon securing your wedding date and venue, one of the first vendors you're likely to contact will be the caterer. Some venues have a single in-house caterer that you are required to use, and others may have a list of preferred caterers that you need to choose from. If you are offered a choice of caterers, we recommend starting with 2 catering proposals.

In requesting a catering proposal, it is best to provide some concrete information to the caterer besides your date, venue, and guest count. Be open in sharing your culinary delights with them. What are your favorite restaurants and cuisines? What are some favorite dishes that you enjoy? Any allergies or ingredients that you simply detest? What do you think your guests would savor? Are they adventurous eaters? What desserts are you drawn to regularly? Best cocktail that you've ever had? Secret family recipes you want to incorporate into your wedding menu?

Then, share a snapshot of your wedding vision with them on a more macro level. For example, if you are getting married at the Asian Art Museum, how do you plan to utilize the spaces there for ceremony, cocktail hour, and dinner + dancing? Will guests be shuttled in, or will they drive independently? What time do you want to start/end the event? Are you envisioning a sit-down, plated dinner or interactive food stations? 

The more information you are able to provide, the more accurate the catering proposal will be in reflecting the context of your wedding. Otherwise, you may be getting a more generic proposal, which makes it hard for you to see if the ideas and costs can actually be applicable to your event.

Although every caterer works differently, catering proposals typically include 6 parts:

1. Food-- this is the part that may be the most familiar to you, as it will be similar to reading a restaurant menu. To start out, many caterers will offer you a list of choices for hors d'oeurves, appetizers, entrees, and desserts. 

2. Beverages--there are several tiers to the type of liquor and wine a bar can have. Brands matter here, so the pricing will reflect the tier that you pick.

3. Labor/Staffing--this includes all the labor that will be required to execute your event seamlessly. Servers, kitchen staff, number of chefs, bartenders....trust your caterer to determine the right number of staff for your event. Different venues have different complexities, and without knowing the way an event runs on the backend, it's impossible for you to know the proper staffing that is required for a smooth event. Trust your caterer! 

4. Rentals--Most non-hotel venues do not store any equipment in-house, and thus will require your caterer to bring everything to the event. From kitchen equipment to tabletop items, everything will be rented and delivered on-site the day of your event, and because the caterer is usually the one to set everything up, it makes the most sense for them to manage the rental orders. There are a ton of choices for you to choose from in terms of rentals, from chairs to linens to chargers and everything in between, so the pricing will reflect the items that you choose. For example, a chiavari chair costs between $6-$9 each, and a ghost chair costs around $18 each to rent, so there is a significant difference there! Because such decisions are usually not made until later in the planning + design process, most caterers price their proposals out with basic, standard rental items. 

5. Production Fees--Some caterers will have a production fee on their proposal, equating to about 15-20% of the overall costs. This is to offset some of their internal production costs, such as trucking, permitting (at certain venues), etc. 

6. Taxes and Service Charges--Here in California, taxes are high and can account for about 10% of the overall proposal costs. Some caterers will automatically include a service charge as well, that is between 10-20%, which serves at the gratuity for their team. Others omit this, allowing you to decide if you would like to extend gratuity at the conclusion of your event. 

Many couples get sticker shocked when they receive catering proposals, because they expect that they can get a really nice meal for $100-$150 per person, just as you would at a fancy restaurant. However, they failed to take into account all the other costs that go into producing a wedding, which bumps the prices up quite a bit! Just remember this: there is a lot of labor involved on a wedding day, and nothing is as easy as it appears. If you've hired really professional, exceptional vendors, please trust them to staff appropriately to ensure you have a seamless event!

One of the best parts of the wedding planning process-- food tasting! 

The caterer plays a huge part at your wedding, so definitely take some time to do your due diligence before picking one that is the best fit for you. Some caterers will offer a pre-booking tasting for a fee, so if it is important for you to taste their food before you hire them, don't be shy to ask about that.


Cheers,

HOW TO HANDLE FAMILY DYNAMICS IN WEDDING PLANNING

Photo by Sarah Peet Photography

Family dynamics can play a tricky part in the wedding planning process, and we've got a few tips to help you handle this aspect as smoothly as possible!

1. Figure out early on who will foot which bills for the wedding. If you're keeping the American tradition of having the bride's parents' pay for the bulk of the wedding, you can expect that they'll want a say in a few (or all) matters. If that bothers you, be upfront on which parts you want full control over, even if it means you may need to take on the expenses for those specific items. Don't get entangled into a web of animosity by failing to set clear expectations at the very beginning of the planning.

2. Communication is key! We've seen families tip toe around each other during the planning, for fear of offending one another with their ideas or expectations. In the end, there is always a lot of disappointment, stress, and anxiety. We encourage our clients to communicate with their families during the progress of the planning, so if issues come up, they do so prior to the wedding day. There have been countless times when parents come up to our team on the wedding day, asking (or demanding) why a particular family member is not on the family portrait list, or not assigned to the reserved seats at the ceremony. By then, it's an awkward situation for everyone involved, so please do make the effort to communicate with your families during the planning.

3. A marriage really is the blending of two families, not just two people. The celebration becomes much more meaningful when the families are equally as excited to become one. We recommend planning a few pre-wedding events for the immediate families to come together, allowing them opportunities to get to know one another better before the wedding. Believe it or not, we've had a few weddings where the parents meet for the very first time at the wedding rehearsal, and the awkward vibe tends to trickle down to everyone else.

4. Assigning specific roles or tasks can help family members feel included and valued. It also gives them a focus, which can be helpful in honing their involvement to just one or two areas of the wedding. Some special roles/tasks can include being a reader and finding an appropriate piece for the reading, or hand crafting something small, but significant, for the wedding such as a ring bearer pillow.

5. Be sensitive to family dynamics that may be awkward, or family members that may not be on great terms. Divorces, separations, and other circumstances can often result in bitterness and resentment amongst the people involved. Try to be sensitive to that by seating these people further apart, and limiting their interactions with one another on the wedding day. A negative attitude of "they'll just have to deal with it. It's my day" will only result in unnecessary drama on the wedding day! 


Last, but not least, showing love and appreciation will always go a long way. Keep perspective, and trust that your families really do want you to be happy. Sometimes, we get swept into the details of such monumental occasions and forget the reasons for celebrating in the first place. Remember that it's a joyous occasion and everyone is there to love and support you! 

Cheers,