Who Should Officiate Your Wedding?

There are lots of important decisions to be made for a wedding, and one of them includes the decision on whom to select as your Officiant.

If you are getting married at a church, chances are high that you'll be using a Pastor from that particular church, or one that you are close with. If you are having a non-religious ceremony, there are many great non-denominational Officiants who marry couples as their profession, and they will work with couples to guide them in creating a personal ceremony that reflects who they are. However, we are seeing an increased trend couples asking a friend or family member to take on this honorable role.

We were recently interviewed by PopSugar on this topic, and here is the article taken directly from their website:

The wedding ceremony can be overshadowed by the dancing, booze, and food of the reception, but ceremonies truly hold the heart of the big day: it's when the couple officially begins the rest of their lives as spouses. The "I dos" are led by the officiant, and selecting the person responsible for that moment should not be taken lightly. And more and more couples are choosing loved ones for this meaningful duty over clergymen. "In the past few years, we've seen a big surge in the number of couples asking a friend or family member to officiate their wedding," San Francisco wedding planner Jubilee Lau of Jubilee Lau Events told us. "It seems as if the consensus for such a decision is to bring in another layer of personalization to the ceremony." If you're planning on having someone you know officiate your wedding, Jubilee shared five tips:

Dad Might Not Be Best
"Normally, we would advise couples to refrain from asking immediate family members, as sometimes they get too emotional to carry themselves well in front of all the guests," Jubilee notes. But if you or your spouse-to-be has a dad who can handle the responsibility without getting weepy, go for it. Jubilee said they had two weddings recently where the groom's father officiated and the ceremonies were a success.

Public Speaking Skills Matter
It's OK to be picky. This isn't a competition for who you're closest to, it's about who would do the best job. Jubilee adds, "We recommend that they invite someone who is normally a good public speaker (they should be eloquent and articulate), that they feel very comfortable with, and who would have the time and patience to work with them on the ceremony content."

It's More Than a Daylong Commitment
This leads us to Jubilee's next point: "A good officiant does more than just read a script." You need to find someone who's willing to put in the time and effort, not just expect to show up on the big day and say a few words. "He/she should be prepared to spend some time with the couple to understand the elements that they want to bring into the ceremony — religion, families, culture, traditions, etc. — and then help them to incorporate it well." No slackers allowed!

Pair Him/Her Up With a Pro
Chances are that the friend or family member you ultimately choose has little to zilch experience officiating a wedding, and you don't want to be babysitting him or her on what goes into the undertaking. Jubilee offers this solution: "What we've done before is to pair the friend/family member up with a professional officiant, who then helps to write the ceremony. That way, they can properly advise on the content, but the clients still get the benefit of having a close friend officiate on the day of." There may be a fee for the professional (around $300-$500), but it's probably worth it to avoid any major slip-ups.

"Short and Sweet" Doesn't Mean Generic
If you've ever sat through a rushed ceremony, you know that short isn't always better. It can result in everyone at the reception feeling like they're just attending a fancy party, not celebrating a personal, significant joining of two people vowing to spend the rest of their lives together. "Although many nonreligious couples opt for a 'short and sweet' nondenominational ceremony, we always remind them that it should still be meaningful and represent who they are," Jubilee notes. "After all, the ceremony is the core of the reason why everyone is there that day!"

— Additional reporting by Annie Scudder

For one of our 2012 weddings, the groom's father officiated the wedding, and he did a wonderful job!
(Photo by: Gary Ashley)

Destination Wedding in San Francisco

We just completed Danielle and Jonathon's sweet, romantic wedding weekend, and it couldn't have been more wonderful! Their family and friends, some from as far as El Salvador, all flew to the Bay Area to celebrate with this cute couple at the Old Mission Dolores church, and the iconic Asian Art Museum.

There's so much to share from this beautiful wedding, but we'll wait until we get the professional photos from their awesome photographer, Sarah Peet. For now, we'll just share a sneak preview of some of our favorite moments of the day, via our iPhone photos....

It always takes a village to produce a seamless wedding. Besides our fabulous vendor partners, we also have 2 teams internally. Our hospitality team takes great care of the wedding party and families from the time they get their makeup/hair done, to their photo sessions, to the processional of their ceremony, and throughout the evening. They make sure everyone knows when they need to be where, that corsages/boutonnieres are pinned to the right people, that guests with special needs are being cared for, and so much more. Our production team work hard to manage the load in, set up, event flow, and break down of the event. Everyone is always amazed at the type of coverage our team provides on event days, but we can't imagine doing it any other way! 

And...here are some fun behind the scenes photo of our production team and hospitality team at work!

Wedding Advice: { Family Portraits on the Wedding Day }

Family portraits are a natural part of every wedding, some more prevalent than others. Being Asian, I can relate to the "importance" of family portraits at a wedding, to the extent where your parents may mandate that a picture is taken with every possible guest configuration. The list would potentially look something like this:

Jane + John + Jane's Parents
Jane + John + Jane's Parents + Jane's Grandparents
Jane + John + Jane's Parents + Jane's Grandparents + Uncle Tom and Aunt Sandy
Jane + John + Jane's Parents + Jane's Grandparents + Uncle Tom and Aunt Sandy + Uncle Willy

You get my point. The portrait list may end up to be several pages now, require 2 hours of your photographers' time to shoot, and 2 extra assistants to help corral people and keep things somewhat orderly.

For most weddings, it honestly is not realistic to have a formal portrait taken with every guest, unless your guest list is extremely small. I respect my clients' (and their families') requests, but it is also my responsibility to provide practical, realistic advice for them. Normally, at one of our status meetings closer to the wedding, we would discuss the family portraits amongst other things, to be sure we plan everything out ahead of time. I'd like to share some tips for planning out the portrait list for your wedding:

1. If possible, keep it to immediate family only. Once you add extended family members in, the list can quickly get out of control, and you may run into the "family politics" issue.

2. Bring your photographer into the discussion! Certain photographers actually have rules against long family portrait lists as they feel it limits their creativity and prevents them from shooting the actual wedding. Most will work with you on what is realistic though, given the venue, overall timeline, and logistics. 

3. Decide on the location with your photographer ahead of time. There are lots going on during the wedding day, so it's best to map out such details beforehand. If your wedding is outdoors, your photographer may want to scout out the best shaded area for family portraits. When scouting, it would be wise to go around the same time as when the portraits would actually take place on the wedding day, so he/she can understand sun direction and lighting.

4. If your family portrait list is short, and you are open to seeing one another before the ceremony, it's best to do the family portraits pre-ceremony, as that would allow you to join the festivities of the cocktail hour. Guests really loosen up and the energy is fantastic during that hour, so you probably wouldn't want to miss that!

5. Shooting the family portraits is actually the easy part. Counting on people to arrive on time, and corralling them is usually the more challenging task. Keep in mind if portraits are done after the ceremony, it's even harder to corral people as they get so busy mingling with other guests and are often eager to dash off to the cocktail hour. You should assign 1 family member from each side, who knows everyone on the list, to help with this task. 

6. Lastly, set realistic expectations. Everything can look good on paper, but how it actually executes on the wedding day may be a different story. If you are not working with a planner, be sure to work closely with your photographer to plan this portion of the day out carefully! 

We are not, by any means, discouraging family portraits on the wedding day. One of our favorite parts of the job is actually getting to see the families come together for the celebration! We just want to help our clients be realistic in every aspect of the planning, and the family portraits are just one small piece of the gigantic wedding puzzle we're piecing together. :)

Who says all family portraits need to be stiff and serious? | Photo by Gary Ashley

Photo by Gary Ashley

Photo by Lisa Lefkowitz

Engagement Photos by Augie Chang

In a little less than 2 months, Diana and Kee will be tying the knot at the beautiful Asian Art Museum. Seeing their engagement photos by the fun, stylish Augie Chang got us very excited for their wedding day!

Engagement Shoot by Sarah Peet Photography

Danielle and Jonathon, our sweet couple from Denver, were in town last month. As with all our out of town clients, we created a very efficient itinerary for their 4 day visit to complete all the pertinent appointments for their wedding planning. This included a lovely engagement shoot with Sarah Peet, at the picturesque Cavallo Point in Sausalito.

Danielle is extremely close to her mom and grandma (whom she affectionately calls "Grammy"), and I loved that she included them in the more entertaining parts of the wedding planning, such as the food tasting, cake tasting, table design meeting, and even the engagement shoot where Sarah was able to capture the 3 generations together!

We're really looking forward to their wedding celebration at the Asian Art Museum next month!

Wedding Advice: {DJ vs. Band}

There are a lot of decisions to be made for each wedding, and one commonly asked question that we get is:

Should I hire a DJ or a Band?

Well, that's a lot like asking if you should go see a ballgame live, or watch it on the big screen at home. There are pros and cons to each, and your decision should really be based on a multiple of factors--your wedding venue, budget, event flow, and the overall experience you want to provide your guests.

There are no shortages of wonderful bands to be hired for weddings, including exceptional cover bands from all genres. That said, there will be some limitations to the repertoire of each band, and that is something to keep in mind if you're trying to play music from several different genres to cater to a more diverse crowd.

It's never too early to start thinking about your wedding music. If you go through your band's repertoire and do not see some of the songs you'd like, you can certainly ask the band to learn them prior to the wedding. Most bands can learn 1-2 songs beyond their existing repertoire, and anything after that would likely incur additional fees that ranges from $200-$500 per song. They need ample time to learn each new piece, so it's important to make your requests earlier rather than later. We would recommend at least 6 months out.

Bands create an amazing vibe at wedding receptions. The fact that the singers can get up close and personal to the guests really brings up the energy on the dance floor! There is a lot of interaction between the performers and guests, which make it really fun for everyone.

Pop Rocks at a Bently Reserve Wedding | Photo by Lisa Lefkowitz

High energy guests as the Joe Sharino band rocked it on stage | Photo by Gertrude and Mabel Photography

If you are considering a band, we have some tips for you to keep in mind:

--Size matters. Whether you choose a 4 piece band or a 12 piece band, this decision should be carefully considered as you look at your venue, budget, and guest size.

--Assess their performance time. Many weddings are a 5-6 hour event, with the dancing portion taking up 1-2 hours of that. Therefore, don't get too excited if your band is offering you 3-4 hours of performance time, as it may not be realistic to have them play for so long. Some bands have a minimum, which may make you lose out an hour or two, so that's just something to keep in mind when determining the length of their performance time. Also, most venues and events lends itself to a quieter form of background music during dinner, so that guests can converse with one another. Thus, it is quite common to request for the band to play pre-recorded music off of their sound system during that time.

--Review their Riders. All band contracts will come with a rider. Some are simple 1 page riders, and some could potentially be more complex with multiple pages. Basically, riders are the bands' specific requests to guarantee a more successful performance. Often included in riders are their requirements for their dressing room, the type of meals and snacks that would be provided to them, stage and lighting requirements, and more. Keep in mind that such specs can affect the total cost of the band, even if it's not a part of the contracted performance fee.

--Who will be the Master of Ceremonies? Many bands can provide simple MC services by assigning one of their singers to make the pertinent announcements. However, it's worth it to pay a little extra to have them send someone who can actually do the job well. A great MC can really help with the flow and energy of an event, and should be an excellent partner to the planner throughout the evening as he/she introduces the wedding party and toast givers, and eloquently let guests know what is coming their way. If the band does not have a professional MC to offer you, please consider hiring a DJ to take on this role!

Hiring a DJ is a simpler process, but in my opinion, it's much more challenging to find an extraordinary DJ than it is to find a fantastic band. There is only a handful of DJs that I recommend here in the San Francisco Bay Area, based on their excellent track record of consistently great work for my clients and I. Contrary to what many people think, a DJ's role expands way beyond setting up a sound system and playing music from a pre-selected list provided by the clients.

First and foremost, a DJ's role is to play music. However, the well-experienced ones know that the key is to play the right music at the right time, and that would differ for each wedding based on a number of factors such as the venue, type of dinner, demographics of the guests, etc. So, playing the bride and groom's favorite music may not necessarily do the job well. It is the DJ's responsibility to help guide their clients in choosing the right music that would appeal to their guests at their specific wedding, and this requires more in depth pre-planning than just a song list submission request. For example, careful thought should be put into selecting the right song to welcome guests into the reception, the series of background music appropriate for dinner conversations, and the special songs throughout the evening for events like the first dance, cake cutting, etc.

A DJ also provides MC services, and a good DJ does not necessarily equate to a good MC. An MC should be eloquent and presentable, as he/she would be making the introductions and announcements throughout the evening. He/she should not try to continually entertain guests throughout the evening and make it a comedy show spotlighting themselves. A good MC knows how to capture the guests' attention when needed, while remaining in the background during the appropriate times.

One of the benefits in hiring a DJ vs. a band is the wide variety of songs that would be available. You can pretty much have any version of any song from any genre, and some DJs can even help you mix unique pieces. Their set up is also more unobtrusive, so if space is an issue at your venue, hiring a DJ may make more sense than a band.

Some tips for you while interviewing DJs for your wedding:

1. Pay attention to the way he/she speaks, if the DJ will be your MC as well. Are they articulate and eloquent? Do they present themselves well? 

2. The charisma of a DJ can be important too. After all, the more your guests like your DJ, the more likely they'd be dancing up a storm on the dance floor! 

3. Ask about their set up on the wedding day. Do they have big, bulky speakers that would look and feel intrusive to your wedding decor? Is their set up simple and clean? The DJs we recommend are either self sufficient with their own custom podiums, or they require a simple 6' table + linen for their setup, which makes for a cleaner look at the wedding. This is especially important if the aesthetic is important to you!

4. Assess how interested they are in your specific wedding. A good DJ should know that there is no "one size fits all" formula, so telling you what they "usually" play at a wedding won't cut it. They should be genuinely interested in your wedding, and your guests, in order for them to do the best job for you.

DJs can play music that appeals to a wide range of audiences | Photo by Gertrude and Mabel Photography

Any first dance song is possible when you have a DJ! | Photo by Lisa Lefkowitz

Lastly, I just want to end with a note that it's certainly possible to consider hiring both a band and a DJ. We've done that at many of our previous weddings, and it has been fantastic! The DJ would act as the MC, and step in with his pre-recorded music during the band's breaks. It really helps maintain the energy, which tends to simmer a bit whenever the band takes a break and music is played from an ipod.

Best of luck to you!

Museum Weddings in San Francisco

If you're looking for a fun, unique venue for your San Francisco wedding, you may want to consider one of the many beautiful museums that we have here. From the classic elegance of the Asian Art Museum, to the urban sophistication of the De Young Museum, to the dynamic California Academy of Sciences, each property offer their own distinctive flair as an extraordinary event space.

We've had the good fortune of working at each of these unparalleled spaces for our events, giving us the experience and knowledge that is required to plan and execute successful events despite the strict guidelines that are mandated of us.

Museums are strict for a reason. With art work and exhibits that cost millions of dollars, they need to be extremely careful in protecting each piece. Security is always high at our museum events, and the careful precision that is required to carry out each and every detail of an event is familiar territory for us by now. Even though we consider ourselves experts at museum events, we never underestimate the level of detail that is essential for each one. Lots of hours are poured into both the design and logistical aspects, and the results are well worth it, for both our our team and our wonderful clients, as you can surely see below...

Wedding Ceremony on the Grand Staircase at Asian Art Museum

Wedding Reception inside Samsung Hall at Asian Art Museum

Dessert buffet set up on the Loggia at Asian Art Museum

Wedding reception inside Samsung Hall at Asian Art Museum

Wedding reception inside Wilsey Court at De Young Museum

Cocktail hour in Hamon Tower at De Young Museum

Wedding ceremony inside the Piazzoni Mural Room at De Young Museum

Wedding ceremony inside the Piazza at California Academy of Sciences

Cocktail hour in Aquarium at California Academy of Sciences

After dinner lounge in African Hall, at California Academy of Sciences

With each museum, there are a number of different event spaces that can be rented out, and we love helping our clients find the best configurations that is in line with the type of event experience they're looking to have. For the Asian Art Museum alone, we've planned ceremonies in their North and South Courts, the Grand Staircase, and Samsung Hall! It really differs for each client, and we enjoy the process that we take with our clients to determine the best flow for their unique event.

All photos above are from our previous events. Photo credits:

Asian Art Museum images--Angie Silvy Photography

De Young Museum images--Lisa Lefkowitz Photography

CAS images--Gertrude and Mabel Photography